The dark gift

via Present

If you gave me this present on my birthday it would be fitting,

the darkest day of the year after all.

This gift seems to like the dark, it thrives in it.

When I opened the box it immediately burrowed inside my chest,

looking for a quiet dark spot to curl up and rest.

It was the best gift I could’ve gotten, stillness.

And in the still night of my soul, divinity was born.

Temple of Carnelian

via Courage

I recently bought the Isis Oracle deck by Alana Fairchild. I was drawn to it, both because of it’s Egyptian symbology and because the artwork was stunning, and once I started working with it it just made sense.

I’ve recently been doing a lot of readings and in several of them I’ve pulled the Temple of Carnelian card.

The meaning attached to the card comes from the Goddess on the card, Sekmet. She is the Egyptian goddess of courage, passion and fire.

This card, in my own understanding of the pages dedicated to explaining the card in the accompanying book that came with the cards, is an indicator that you need to be brave enough to take the risk of sticking to your convictions regardless of the reaction you’re going to get from other people.

In my personal experience, this is a very hard thing to do.

I don’t like disappointing people or causing conflict, and in many cases I keep finding ways to compromise and keep everyone happy instead of sticking to what I know is best and healthiest for me.

So I think the main reason I keep pulling this card is that I need to stop compromising where I shouldn’t have to. I deserve to have my needs and boundaries respected just as much as the people I’m always trying to please.

No matter how much you try to please other people, unless they’re putting for the same effort to please you and keep you comfortable, you’re going to be the one who loses. Everytime. So don’t forget to take care of yourself sometimes. That’s what I’ve been working on ever since I got to college, and it’s made me feel so much better about the life I’m living.

So I think I’ll be brave, and stick to the conviction that loving myself enough to take care of myself is the best way to live.

Ta An

What came before

I think it’s important to explain, before I start talking about my current spiritual explorations, what my ideas on spirituality and religion were before.

I was never a particularly religious or spiritual person when I was younger. I was quite content to ignore all of that ‘nonsense’ as I thought of it and just live my life how I wanted to. Not listening to a religious book that was trying to tell me what to do. I couldn’t stand rules that I couldn’t understand and none of the religious texts that gave rules for me to follow made sense to me.

However my father, who despite all his strictly academic leanings, came from a family that believed in the mystic side of spirituality and Islam. He would tell me stories of magic and dreams that fascinated me as a child but began to lose their luster as I grew up. Now though, I admit that I remember all he told me and have found myself trying to figure out what it means for me.

Currently my views on spirituality leans less towards religion and more towards individual growth and discovery. I think one of the most interesting ways I’ve found spirituality described as is a relationship with between a lover and a beloved. The divine being the Beloved, and me being the lover. I think this is a good way to think about it because to me, my spirituality is an intimate thing. I like the idea of closeness that it implies and I like the idea of not feeling so firmly separated from divinity in the way that traditional religions make me feel.

So now I read oracle cards and other methods of divination to channel my own energy for the purpose of discovering things about myself and sometimes my friends. I write down my thoughts, some thoughts that are mine and some thoughts that come from deep within my mind. I meditate and I keep track of what I see while meditating. I keep stones and crystals with me to draw strength and other positive/protective energies from them.

I’ve found out so much about myself already that I truly believe it has been helpful to me to start on this more spiritualistic path. So I hope sharing these experiences and discoveries might help someone get inspiration to try these practices themselves, or be helpful in someway to someone. That’s what I always hope is the result of my writing, that I help someone in some way.

So all in all, that’s my backstory. Now I’ll start posting about my spirituality and all things related. Maybe not every day like my other posts but steadily.

I hope you all gain something from it or at least find it interesting.

Ta An


via Rube

I am new to this place.

The dazzling lights and sights beyond my imagining.

Within me.

I am a rube now, nothing more than a foreigner who’s eyes have been opened.

This is my soul, this wondrous land.


via Costume

There is one mask we can only peek beneath,

one costume that sticks to your skin and refuses to let go fully.

Our current lives.

Each life we live is a costume for a vastness of self we can only begin to understand. 

It is the world’s masquerade ball.

Something old and something new

via Lecture

I don’t mean to lecture so I’ll keep this brief.

Balance in your life is what makes happiness an overarching theme. Balance is what I strive for.

Finding a balance in my life is hard, and I use many different ways to understand myself better to understand how to live a more healthy life in a holistic way.  Some of those ways include a lot of old practices that have been done by many people of many cultures for a very long time; divination, journaling of a more intuitive/emotional nature, and interpreting my dreams (when I have them and when they’re relevant at least, because who wants to interpret why I went rollerblading indoors?).

I was wondering if those of you lovely people who follow me would like it if I documented the spiritualistic side of myself as well? I’d love feedback from you all, so please leave a comment and tell me what you think. That way I can give you more varied content that still sticks to the theme of the blog, self-understanding, and documentation of my life.

Thanks for contributing to making this blog better,

Ta An

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