In a mood

via Horizon

My moods are like the horizon,

distant. Beautiful.

Full of colors,

and reflecting off the ocean of my consciousness

like a thousand mirrors.

I can’t explain what mood I’m in any more than 

I can explain why the blood red sun is so beautiful as the day dies.

Tantalus

via Horizon
 

I think I know how he felt now,

wanting something that remained firmly beyond the horizon.

Something always just out of reach.

It’s the same way I felt about you,

those warm midsummer nights that I spent dreaming.

Dreaming that you were there with me.

Dreaming that I had had a choice,

and that I chose correctly.

But you were always just close enough to make me want.

And far away enough for the distance to span oceans.

Dreams

via Horizon

All of my desires,

wait beyond the horizon.

Within lucid dreams.

Every wish I 

hold close to my beating heart,

awaits me in sleep.

 

When I close my eyes,

I am healthy once again.

The pain is no more.

 

The morning is soft,

but reality is not.

My dreams are shattered.

Quiet

via Blink

It is quiet now,

The stars blink above me as I lay restless.

And still, all I can do is imagine.

Dream of what I should say so no one figures out,

I know very little about how to inhabit this life.

I don’t know how to accept this sleepiness that haunts me,

or the gentle aching deep in my bones.

But it is quiet now,

And the stars only stand watch over me,

offering silent comfort in that distant way of theirs.

Thread

via Shock

To see it snap was a shock to none,

they had been waiting for quite some time.

How long would it last, they said,

until it could hold no more.

Patience, calm, rationality,

all gone when I finally understood.

This wouldn’t end.

Cherished and Adored

via Shock

Hold me now in your sweet embrace,

and allow me to cherish gentle touch.

It is shocking how love transforms your face,

into beauty beyond compare.

I see home in you, I see warmth,

I see everything I adore.

My friend, my darling, forever more,

I will love you to the grave.

 

Mind and Body

via Agile

It is strange to think that all I am as a person, is wrapped up in my mind alone.

My mind that moves with such agility between extremes, content and restless,

hopeful and hopeless, in love and just friends.

Male and female.

My mind has always preferred the gray areas, I think because I like the vagueness.

People sometimes ask me, why don’t you like to be called a woman? Why don’t you feel desire like everyone else?

Because my mind prefers to shrug off questions like that.

I prefer to be me, nothing more nothing less.

I don’t feel like just a woman, I don’t feel the need for sex barely at all. There’s so much more to me than the simple answers that people expect.

So I just prefer to be vague and hope my mind is agile enough to miss the creeping guilt when I see the disappointment that always comes with my less than satisfactory answers

to questions I hate being asked.

 

My body used to be more flexible, I did gymnastics, cheerleading, volleyball, soccer.

So many ways that my body was moving and working, trying to keep up with the speed of my brain that moved so quickly from one interest to another.

But now all my agility seems to be gone.

I don’t run, I don’t fly through the air, I’m so very grounded.

My doctors say it will make my pain worse, so I don’t do much anymore.

And people ask me, why are you so lazy?

I’m not really.

But no one asks, do you miss it?

The answer is always yes.

“Healthy”

via Loophole

They want there to be a loophole, I think.

Like not being able to tell at first glance that I’m sick

is enough of an excuse to pretend I’m well.

They don’t want to have to take me seriously,

who would want to have to try and understand

Constant, aching pain?

Fatigue that doesn’t go away after a good nights’ rest?

An illness that leaves the mind a wreck as well as the body?

No one does.

Not even me,

but I don’t have any loophole to use.

I don’t get to use any excuses.

Morning daze

via Loophole

Can I claim drowsiness as a way to get out of dealing with what I said last night?

I was reckless, sending messages like cannon balls and not caring where they landed.

In the morning everything is fuzzy.

Everything but the sharp edge of panic when I remember what I said to you.

What loophole is there to pretend I’m not still dazzled and left wanting everytime I think of you?

Theoretically

via Loophole

If I could find a loophole,

any loophole really,

that would allow me to kiss someone through a telephone,

wouldn’t that be grand?

If I could find a way to transfer intimacy like a text message,

wouldn’t it make the world feel a little less lonely?

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