via Horizon

All of my desires,

wait beyond the horizon.

Within lucid dreams.

Every wish I 

hold close to my beating heart,

awaits me in sleep.


When I close my eyes,

I am healthy once again.

The pain is no more.


The morning is soft,

but reality is not.

My dreams are shattered.

Heavy on my tongue

via Blink

If I become still,

If I blink very slowly,

They might believe it.

Made of dark marble.

Unable to feel this pain.

My body, peaceful.

Not a real person,

not a person who curses at

Gods they don’t worship.

Just silence and stone,

Nothing to actually

require comfort.

I must trick myself,

If I’m very good maybe

Then it won’t hurt so.


These words so heavy

So very heavy on my

Ever silent tongue.

Fairy Lights

via Blink

I remember them,

Beautiful, soft, fairy lights,

A thousand of them.

Gentle golden light,

Blinking slowly as I sleep,

A subtle morse code.

A slower day, stop.

To my body it orders.

Sleeping I obey.

The lights, my body,

Who is in control of me?

Of this pain I hold?

Neither can end it,

So I rest watching the lights,

Blinking down at me.


via Shock

To see it snap was a shock to none,

they had been waiting for quite some time.

How long would it last, they said,

until it could hold no more.

Patience, calm, rationality,

all gone when I finally understood.

This wouldn’t end.

Cherished and Adored

via Shock

Hold me now in your sweet embrace,

and allow me to cherish gentle touch.

It is shocking how love transforms your face,

into beauty beyond compare.

I see home in you, I see warmth,

I see everything I adore.

My friend, my darling, forever more,

I will love you to the grave.


It was gentle

via Shock

A diagnosis

All rainy days for me now,

Goodbye to freedom.

What a gentle shock,

How softly they took away,

my youth, my childhood.

It’s chronic, they said.

For the rest of your life now,

You must be careful.

I well and truly,

hate that disgusting “careful,”

A word made of chains.

It dances

via Agile

Desire, nimble,

It dances, it twists and turns,

In my yearning heart.


When I think of you,

It all seems so, so simple.

So hard otherwise.


For all those who are

Unknown to me, desire 

Flees out of my grasp.


Mind and Body

via Agile

It is strange to think that all I am as a person, is wrapped up in my mind alone.

My mind that moves with such agility between extremes, content and restless,

hopeful and hopeless, in love and just friends.

Male and female.

My mind has always preferred the gray areas, I think because I like the vagueness.

People sometimes ask me, why don’t you like to be called a woman? Why don’t you feel desire like everyone else?

Because my mind prefers to shrug off questions like that.

I prefer to be me, nothing more nothing less.

I don’t feel like just a woman, I don’t feel the need for sex barely at all. There’s so much more to me than the simple answers that people expect.

So I just prefer to be vague and hope my mind is agile enough to miss the creeping guilt when I see the disappointment that always comes with my less than satisfactory answers

to questions I hate being asked.


My body used to be more flexible, I did gymnastics, cheerleading, volleyball, soccer.

So many ways that my body was moving and working, trying to keep up with the speed of my brain that moved so quickly from one interest to another.

But now all my agility seems to be gone.

I don’t run, I don’t fly through the air, I’m so very grounded.

My doctors say it will make my pain worse, so I don’t do much anymore.

And people ask me, why are you so lazy?

I’m not really.

But no one asks, do you miss it?

The answer is always yes.

Morning daze

via Loophole

Can I claim drowsiness as a way to get out of dealing with what I said last night?

I was reckless, sending messages like cannon balls and not caring where they landed.

In the morning everything is fuzzy.

Everything but the sharp edge of panic when I remember what I said to you.

What loophole is there to pretend I’m not still dazzled and left wanting everytime I think of you?


via Loophole

If I could find a loophole,

any loophole really,

that would allow me to kiss someone through a telephone,

wouldn’t that be grand?

If I could find a way to transfer intimacy like a text message,

wouldn’t it make the world feel a little less lonely?

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